


and if god can’t save me, i’m sorry.

by cowardly_dogs9



Category: BLACKPINK (Band), EXO (Band), NCT (Band), Red Velvet (K-pop Band), f(x), 소녀시대 | Girls' Generation | SNSD
Genre: A lot - Freeform, Angst, Corruption, F/M, Fluff and Smut, Friends to Lovers, Heavy BDSM, Knifeplay, Original Character(s), Praise Kink, Religion, Religion Kink, Shameless Smut, Slow Build, Smut, They are both bottoms, Wax Play, chanyeol and the reader have a fling, innocent jaehyun, jaehyun gets flustered, the mains are kinky, will update the tags as i edit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-08
Updated: 2021-01-08
Packaged: 2021-03-12 21:00:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 24
Words: 18,475
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28641864
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cowardly_dogs9/pseuds/cowardly_dogs9
Summary: god thought us not to sin. god told us we can’t be lured. god is not my parents.
Relationships: Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Reader
Kudos: 3





	1. Chapter 1

1

i don’t know if there’s a problem with me. i really hope not. but fuck- i mean lord help me, i am in love with someone. and what’s worse is that it’s more than love. i’m lusting when i’m not supposed to. there’s just something about him... god i need him so bad.. but does he feel the same towards me?

“miss l/n, do you plan on paying attention to the lord’s work or are you focusing on something else? and don’t lie to me young lady.”

shit.

“i’m sorry to you and god mother luna.” i apologize quickly, my cheeks slightly turning a shade of pink. the guy next to me turned around and smiled at me, but it wasn’t a cruel smile, but it was a soft one, his dimples showing as you look at him, bowing your head down and smiling to yourself as he played with his permed hair, his locks maintaining its neat style.

that’s him by the way. the guy i was talking about.

his name is jung jaehyun. he and mother krystal are related, so he’s sort of respected in this school. but he deserves it. everyday he walks in with a pleasant aura, and he’s kind to everyone. he usually volunteers at the pet shelter nearby as community service with me. he seemed like the poster child of goodness and purity in the school. not to mention that he’s extremely beautiful. his hair was a light brown, and his eyes were the same color, and a kind expression. he’d usually have these dimples when he smiled and his nose crinkles with the cutest cat whiskers when he laughs. not to mention that his body is so... soooooooo-

stop! you can’t think of him like that y/n! what’s wrong with you? do you know how the lord will respond if you look at him like this? you’d be beyond saving as mother victoria says. but i cant help it...

there’s just something about him that makes me go crazy. the way he’d recite the prayers in his low voice that made the spot in between my legs wet. the way how soft and kind he is... i want to imagine him under me... squirming and whimpering as i take in his cock in me... and him treating me like i’m so fragile like he’d treat the cats at the shelter... there’s so much things...

what the fuck is wrong with you? you nasty whore! i scolded myself as i hit my leg on the desk, and at the motion jaehyun looks at me with concern as he asks, “are you okay y/n?” shit.

“i-i’m okay, thanks” i squeaked blushing as he asked me. internally, i was far from fine, and saving. but as i assured him, he nodded and gave me a small smile, going back to hear mother luna speak.

i internally sighed to myself.


	2. 2

2

“y/n... you know that one point you’re going to have to tell him, right?” chanyeol looked at me with a questioning gaze.

“loey i’m scared that he doesn’t feel the same.” i admit, dragging my fork across my food as i didn’t want to look him in the eye, knowing that he is judging me. “besides he’s considered to be the best boy in the school.. what does he want to do with me?”

“just because he’s popular it doesn’t make you lesser to him.” he tells me, playing with his blazer. he pushed his whitish hair back and sighed. “you’ve been watching way too much movies these days, mother krystal is bound to get worried.” he adds a laugh, “she’ll say that “you can't allow these fake situations take control of what’s happening in the real world” or something like that.”

“can you please shut up?” i laugh, but also at the same time shushing him as i felt bad making fun of the lady who’s related to my crush.

speaking of my crush, speak of the devil.

jaehyun walked with his friends to his table, which was two tables away from chanyeol and i. i watched him and his friends talk and laugh, johnny and mark catching my eye since i’ve talked with johnny a lot of times and mark a couple. the others it was hard to distinguish.. i think one of them was taeyong, another was yuta.. haechan and doyoung was there too.. i think that’s taeil with them too, and a tall man that resembled jungwoo.

as i looked at him as he walked, i was immediately snapped out of my daydreamish state as rosé, yeri and joy walked towards me. 

“earth to y/n?” joy snapped her fingers at me as she tried to catch my attention.

“she’s thinking about jung.” chanyeol says as i smiled to myself just by the thought of his name.

“she hasn’t told him yet?” rosé watched worriedly as she looks at him and looked at me.

“i won’t be surprised if she hasn’t... it’s a y/n thing.” yeri laughs playfully as she nudges my arm playfully.

“i do plan on telling him, thank you very much.” i laugh back in response, continuing, “i just need to find the right time.” 

“more like the confidence.” chanyeol added jokingly, causing me to kick his leg from across the table, resulting in a loud growl that he had to suppress so that the nuns on duty won’t think it’s anything sexual.

i know i wouldn’t be suppressing noises when i see jaehyun, laughing along with the girls as i glimpsed at jaehyun, who seemed quiet, but he smiled as laughter erupted at his table.

i also could’ve sworn he looked at me.


	3. 3

i went back home with yeri as my parents her out. luckily her parents are nice enough to me ranted than mine. not to say that there’s anything wrong with my parents. they’re just absent most of the time.

maybe that’s the reason why i turned out like this. huh.

anyways i was greeted with snacks, probably too much of them really, but i didn’t mind them. if anything it’s nice to get some sort of attention from a parent. 

after i ate yeri and i went up to her room, where i pull out her drawer that was full of my clothes. again, remember my parents were barely  
home so i camped out by yeri for most of the week.

we both laid on the bed, taking a rest before we started any work, and that’s when she turns to me and says,

“you know exactly what i’m gonna ask you and you know damn well you can’t escape this question.”

i simply groaned in response, “yeri it’s gonna be the same thing loey tells me, that i’m gonna have to tell jaehyun some point before i explode.”

she smiled, “i was gonna say that i knew that you cheated on that history test.”

i look at her and laughed, throwing a pillow at her gently as i defended myself, “i did not cheat!”

yeri got up from the bed, mocking mother victoria’s voice, “y/n dear you know very well that lying is a sin! how dare you betray the teachings of god!” 

i covered my mouth from laughing loudly to the point where i can scream and i punched her playfully, saying in response, “you’re so lucky that we are not in school right now.”

she replied cheekily, “is it because if jaehyun was there, you would’ve held back your laughter so that you wouldn’t embarrass yourself?”

i sighed loudly, lying back down on the bed.

“i knew it!” she exclaimed triumphantly.

“can you shut up!” i hid my blush with my pillow, not allowing her to embarrass me any further.

she climbs on top of me, taking the pillow out my hands and laughing, “is it because i’m right?”

i smiled shyly, “maybe.”

she gets a bit serious, but still smiles, “listen, he seems like a really good guy and i think that you should go for him.”

“yeri i’m literally scared of how he’s gonna respond... is he gonna laugh at me?? is he gonna think that i’m stupid??” i complained, my brows furrowing.

“i think jaehyun is way to nice to tell you that y/n.” she smirks, continuing, “and i think that if you talked to him some more then you should be alright.”

“there’s also another reason.. that i’m afraid to confess... but i think you might laugh at me..” i got up from under her, looking down at my fingers.

“which is?” she urged, giving me a comforting gaze.

here it goes.

“i want to have sex with jaehyun.”


	4. 4

“okay.. that’s new..” yeri breathes out, confused yet shocked at the same time. 

“i really fucking want him yeri.” i say softly, cheeks reddening from my confession.

“how did you even realize that you wanted him.. like that? not like i’m judging you or whatever, but he seems so sweet, so pure..” she says.

i let out a sigh. “i don’t know.. ever since we volunteered at the pet shelter together i’ve had a really huge crush on him.” the corners of my mouth turn upwards a bit, continuing, “i started to have dreams about him. they were innocent. just us cuddling, going out, something ordinary like that.. and then..” i drift off for a while, thinking about the dreams i had lately about him. how i was dominating him and he looked so submissive under my touch. how he would switch the positions and i’d chant his name out like he was god himself. how good he felt around my throbbing clit. i’d be lying if i said that i wouldn’t excuse myself to go bathroom to touch myself, covering my mouth from letting my sinful moans release into the public.

i was distracted by yeri shaking me gently. “earth to y/n?? are you still there?”

i snap out of my trance and blink suddenly, “dear god i’m sorry what did you say?”

yeri smiled and sighed. “don’t worry i can decode it easily. you want to have sex with the pure church boy.”

“well when you say it like that..” i bent my head down and bit my lip, the thought of corrupting him entering my head, but i quickly swatted it away.

“again. i’m right. anyways it’s getting pretty late. we should get some dinner and i’ll set up the room for us to sleep.” she announces. usually we would alternate between who sleeps in the couch and who sleeps on the bed. we could sleep in the same bed together, i even suggested it once, but she got shy when i proposed the idea. it’s not like her parents are strictly religious or anything, but we were just really shy.

anyways we got ourselves some food and we got ourselves cleaned up and showered, and we slept peacefully.

of course. i got the couch. but i didn’t mind because it’s yeri and i love her.

————  
“alright boys and girls, i have you guys assigned for a project!” 

the class groaned at mother yoona’s 79th project for the term, knowing damn well that she did this because she’s satan.

she’s not. actually. but in this case she is.

“thank you very much for your enthusiasm. now first of all, i have everyone’s names written on a piece of paper in this jar. the pink is for the girls and the blue is for the boys. just think of this as the hunger games but biblically and morally correct.

personally, i don’t really like group projects. there’s always people that leave the work for you to do by yourself while they go phone sex their significant others. the whole idea of group projects is bullshit and just so fuc-

“for girls, y/n l/n, and for boys, jung jaehyun!”


	5. 5

i could’ve sworn the air got knocked out my lungs and my throat was as dry as a desert.

there’s no way that this was happening. no fucking way. 

“y-y/n? are you okay?” i felt a hand brush my shoulder and i jumped until i saw jaehyun, jumping back as well, dropping his books.

“o-oh my god i’m so sorry!” i apologize as i helped him pick up his books, his warm brown eyes telling me that i didn’t need to help, but i returned the favor anyways.

“thanks.” he mumbles, his ears turning a slight shade of red as he held on to it a bit tighter. i give him a small nod, my words being stuck in my throat as i was in the presence of the man i needed the most.

“so.. when do you wanna get started?” he proposed, tapping his fingers on his books to break the silence that was preventing me from speaking.”

“i-uh..” i struggled, internally cursing myself for being flustered like this, but i couldn’t help it; jaehyun was literally in front of me.

“we can go to my house today if you want? o-or we can go by you! it doesn’t really matter!” he says i between his momentarily shy outbursts.

finally mustering the courage i say, “is it okay if i go by you? my parents are out of town and you know how the mothers are always saying-“

“‘girls shouldn’t be staying indoors alone, and especially with a young man’ yeah i pretty much heard that a couple of times.” he smiles, his dimples popping up in a motion that was enough to make me melt.

i laugh softly in response, which makes his ears turn more red, and he says, “so we can walk home to school if you want, our house is only a few blocks away. or if you want to dr-“

“we can walk!” i say abruptly for no reason whatsofuckingever. he smiles again, saying as he exits the class, “two pm i guess?”

“yeah. 2 pm.” i smiled back.

he gives me a little wave as he leaves and i did the same, my heart beating intensely and my stomach about to explode.

this is going to be the hardest project of my life.


	6. 6

“you’re WHAT?” 

“please don’t freak out loey you’re jus going to make me feel nervous.”

chanyeols eyes widen with surprise and amusement as i told him what was happening in bible studies. he held on to my shoulders and laughed with a low voice,

“i cant believe you’re finally going to live your dreams of getting laid y/n.”

my eyes darted quickly to jaehyun exiting the school and approaching chanyeol and i on the steps and i quickly gave him a slap on the shoulder, where he pretends to hold his heart as if he was stabbed. “can you please behave yourself?” i whispered worriedly.

he simply winks and gives me a slight hug, whispering in my ear, “make sure you wrap it before you bang it” causing an intense blush on my face. however i quickly cleared my head and turned around towards jaehyun, where he gave me that same shy smile.

“you ready?” he asks, his voice calm and deep.

“yeah, let’s go.” i reply, my voice far from calm.”

———  
the walk to his home was quiet, but there was more of a comfortable silence rather than an awkward one.

we both walked at the same pace, our eyes focusing on the path ahead of us. we would glance a few moments at each other, but we wouldn’t dare to last a second longer, as we couldn’t contain the pinkness of our cheeks, and especially the red tint on jaehyun’s ears that spread to his face, even in the light of the sunset.

finally we reached his house, where in a surprising gesture, he slowly rubs the back of my hand and says, “i-i’m really sorry if my dad seems overly religious.. hopefully since he knows that you’re here for a project he won’t be as overbearing.”

i sense the apologetic tone in his voice, and i reply, “it’s okay, it’s not like it’s your fault or anything.” his thumb moved slightly faster with more pressure onto it, causing me to think, ‘oh my, he’s actually scared.’ 

he lets go and opens the door, where i was greeted by his mother. she is very stunning, and she seems very kind. she must be mother krystal’s sister, they look a bit familiar.

“hey mom, do you know where dad is?” he asks, glancing back at me as he says it and scratches his head. 

“he’s still at the church sweetheart. also who is this lovely girl that you have?” she looks at me and extends her arm out to greet me and i shyly took it. 

“my name is y/n l/n, nice to meet you mrs jung.” i reply shyly but politely, my eyes diverting to jaehyun to see that his ears were getting redder. i smile to myself, a sly smirk appearing on my face.

‘so he’s a shy boy... must be easy to corrupt then..’ 

i shook the thought out my head as his mother smiled at me, and she told me to make myself at home and she would make sure that i’m comfortable. with that she escorts me to jaehyun’s room along with him and she gave us a quick wave goodbye.

and now it’s just us.


	7. 7

as the door locked, jaehyun and i were left alone in his room. he shyly gestures me to sit on the bed saying, “y-you can have a seat here and i’ll sit on the floor.”

feeling bad i replied, “no no no i think you should go on the bed and i’ll go on the floor.”

he then went to check outside his window and smiled to himself, sitting down on one side of the bed as he pats down the space in front of him to sit.

“my dad isn’t here, so you can stay on the bed with me if you like.” he says. my cheeks pinked and he seemed to notice that, stuttering “n-not like i-in a way that w-we’re having s-sex or anything like that!” 

god he was so cute when he got all flustered like that. makes this harder for me.

i play with my fingers shyly saying “i-i know y-you weren’t thinking of t-that.” he sighs in relief and i sat down in front of him. on his bed.

the rest of the night went pretty fast and the both us did well with our group work. we got comfortable talking with each other and we actually bonded without stuttering.

of course, there were times when are knees would accidentally brush together and we would smile to ourselves, or even when our hands would touch accidentally.

speaking of his hands. they’re so soft and so delicate. he holds everything with care and treat it like it’s fragile. his fingers are also very long. i wonder how they would feel inside me.

brushing that thought, we got both of our papers written out before dinner, which was great for the both of us since we didn’t want to work all night.

then, it was late at night. we had already gotten everything packed up, and all that’s left is to give it to Mother Yoona. 

“it was really fun working with you y/n.. and it was really nice to get to know you better, you seem like a really good girl.” he says, his dimples popping as he smiles.

“a really good girl” plays in my head for a few minutes and all i can think about is him calling me a good girl as i got down on my knees as if i was praying to him to pleasure me.

i fisted my skirt to push away that thought, and i replied, “thanks, it was also really good to get to know you too.” 

he smiled, saying, “we should get you home now.” for a minute i forgot that my parents were not home until god knows when, and i frown a little.

jaehyun seems to notice this, and he says, “is everything okay?” squeezing me gently on my shoulder.

“there’s no one home.. and by the time i get home it’s gonna be too late... and yeri's house is so far..” i say, frustration in my tone as i try to figure out what to do as i sat on his bed, covering my face as i sigh.

“y-you can stay with m-me!” he offers, a little too eagerly, yet shyly, and continues “my m-mom can make some arrangements a-and everything should be fine!” 

“i don’t want to cause trouble jaehyun..” i say, but he kneels down so that he was face to face to me and held my hands, a gesture that made my heart explode. 

“my mom practically likes you and she just met you. if anything she’d want to make her guests happy.” he adds, my small hands shaking in his large ones. i gave him a small smile and he says, “i’m going to ask her.. in the meantime i have a clean shirt for you to wear.. i think my moms clothes would be too big for you.” 

he takes out a shirt from his drawer and he says, “i’ll be right back.”

as he closes the door behind him, i took a step towards his mirror, and i took off my blazer, throwing it neatly to the side of his room, near my bag. then i unbuttoned shirt, sighing as i took off the uncomfortable material of my shirt. i quickly unclasped my bra and threw it with all my clothes because who needs a bra, and i got rid of my skirt.

i finally put on the shirt, moaning softly as i took in the scent of him as i wrapped my arms around my waist, thinking it was him. i passed my finger over my nipple and i toyed with it, a soft whimper escaping my lips as i felt my core become wet, my underwear soaked. closing my eyes, i unconsciously moan his name as i dipped my finger down to my clit, closing my legs and going faster and faster my high reaching and i held on to the counter-

“y-y/n?” you hear him from the other side of the room as he knocked on the door.

“c-come in!” you squeak, wiping your fingers that were dipped in your arousal on his shirt, forming a fist. 

he opens the door and as he sees your figure, he blushed rapidly, from his ears to his cheeks. then he surprisingly says to me, “y-you look really... g-good”.

it was my turn to blush as i slowly walked towards him until i was face to face with him, few inches apart, and i said “thank you” 

i his throat quiver in a gulp as i stepped towards him, noticing his eyes diverted to the pile of clothes near my bag.

“y-you don’t wear a b-bra?” his voice shakes a bit, and i smile, replying, “it gets really uncomfortable to sleep in.. especially around here.” i move your fingers to the swell of my breasts, where an airy moan escaped my lips, making him moan now. i teased him further by tiptoeing to where our lips met, and lightly ghosting over it, i said, “i think we should go to bed.”

he moans in response, “i-i don’t want to s-sleep..” moving his lips to meet mine and i move back, causing him to whimper. “p-please..” he whimpered again, playing with my hands shakily, which made me smile. 

then, playing brave, i kissed him softly and he gasps, eyes widening at the sight of it until he kissed back with the same speed. it wasn’t aggressive or anything yet. we were testing the waters. confidence spiking up in me, i push him onto the bed. 

this is going to be so much f-


	8. 8

“y/n?”

i felt myself jolt upwards as i hear jaehyun's voice from the other side of the door.

of course that was a fucking dream. you’re kidding me.

“you can come in” i announced from his room as he opened the door.

i stood in front of him shyly as i played with the hem of his shirt, my hands not covered in cum.. but in sweat?

he scratches the back of his head, saying, “i-i didnt expect that to fit so good,” his ears turning red.

“thanks,” i say, sitting down at the side of the bed, toying with the sides again.

“my mom says that you can stay over tonight, and the both of us can walk to school tomorrow. my dad is apparently out of the country right now..” he adds that part in with a bit of annoyance, which was a bit hot not gonna lie, but i pushed my thoughts away. he seemed upset.

“i’m sorry about that.. also thanks for offering me to stay here.. it means a lot, and especially since it’s dark.” i tell him, rubbing his shoulders, and earning a smile from him as he relaxed under my touch.

“it’s nothing, and you’re welcome. mom was worried about letting you go home by yourself, so she was a bit relieved when i ask her.” he says, his expression as kind as ever.

i smile, “well tell your mom that i’m grateful.” after that, the comfortable smile returned, and we both gazed into each other’s eyes for a bit, as if we were searching and scanning each other for what we wanted. his gaze was intense on my eyes as it remained warm and soft, as mine looked as if i was yearning for something. and indeed i was.

however, he probably doesn’t feel the same for me.

“i-i forgot to shower,” you giggle softly as you felt shy all of a sudden. 

he lightly brings me to my feet and he leads me to his mom’s shower, and takes out all the necessary things for me.

“see you in a while.” he says as he closes the door.

———  
the shower had me thinking a lot. especially with the moment we locked eyes. i felt something that was beyond lust. it was like my innocent crush coming back to me. however, i still craved him as if he was my god and i was his, but at the same t  
time, there’s something about him that’s so charming and so pure... it makes me feel guilty in a way... but also easy to corrupt...

fuck you god. you son of a fucking bitch.

i got out the shower and walked back in his room to see that he was already done.

his brown permed hair was now wet and held back with a headband, exposing his forehead and his lightly brushed brows. he wore a black shirt that perfectly showed off his toned, pale arms to his glory. he looked so relaxed, so boyish like this, it was enough to make me crave more.

he turned around to face me. he greeted me with a smile as i walked to the side of his bed, neatly folding my clothes.

now was the tricky part.

“if you want i can go on the floor and you can take the bed.” he suggests in a low, soft voice. he must be tired i think. 

“didn’t you say that your father wasn’t home and you can be less strict?” i say playfully, raising an eyebrow.

this made his face flush furiously. “a-are you suggesting we s-sleep together?” you can tell how his voice quivered, as if he was being confronted for a sin.

“well it beats one of us going on the floor..” my voice trails, playing with the blue bedsheets. “it’s not ‘sleeping together’ like that if you think i meant that.”

“i-i didn’t think that.” his ears got more red. he’s a terrible liar.

“your ears tell me otherwise jung.” i tease, a soft laugh escaping my lips.

“o-oh..” he smiled shyly and laughed, pulling down on his ear as he silently cursed to himself. maybe he thought i didn’t hear it. but i’d let him say fuck like that again. maybe louder. when he’s under my touch.

“we should get to bed, don’t you think?” i say, noticing the time. he nodded in response. as we both slid into the sheets together, he suddenly stops. just like my heart for a moment. maybe i shouldn’t have pushed him like that.

“do you listen to music when you sleep?” he asks, a wide smile on his face. 

“sometimes.. when my parents aren’t home until late,” i say. where is he going with this?

he quickly opens his record player and puts on a record. immediately i smile as i noticed the song.

“you like cigarettes after sex too?” he asks hopefully as he sees my smile.

“yeah.. i do.” i say as i look at him, mirroring his expression. 

“this is my favorite song from them,” he says with admiration as the chorus for opera house plays.

“i have yet to choose one.. their discography is amazing.” i confess. it’s true. they have some really good songs.

his nose scrunches cutely, as he replies, “fair enough. i would say the same thing, but the lyrics to this.. it just stands out to me.”

i let out a soft chuckle, “okay, i think this was a good choice for a song... because i feel like i’m gonna knock out.” my eyelids felt heavy as i declared that, and i can tell he felt the same, as he lets out a yawn.

“you’re right. we should get to bed.” he says as he slips back into the bed with me. our bodies were inches apart, because apparently it’s a sin for two unmarried people to be in a bed together intimately.

“good night y/n..” he yawns as he gives me a tired smile.

“good night jae..” i repeat to him, my eyes finally closing as the lyrics sent me to sleep. 

the record sang, ‘i was meant to love you, i knew i loved you at first sight’ as i could've felt something that felt like arms. maybe that was a part of my imagination.


	9. 9

well shit. those were arms.

i got up at around 4:30 am as i felt a pair of arms snaked around me. as i got up, or at least attempted to get up, i tried to wriggle myself out those arms. however i stopped as my heart pounded at the sight, and lowered my head back.

the pair of arms belonged to jaehyun. he had a soft yet firm grip on me as his chin rested on the top of my head cozily. when i tried to wriggle, his arms held me tighter as he mumbled, “stay”. 

in a bold move, i rested myself against his chest. his heartbeat was calm as opposed to my one that was ready to break out my rib cage and his breathing was soft and slow.

i got back comfortable as i snuggled closer towards him, feeling shy as i did so, but it’s cold. what do you expect. 

i finally felt him stir. as a result i quickly closed my eyes and pretended to fall asleep. i felt his head lift off mine as he went to check what was going on and i heard him softly gasped and where his arms were and where i was. if i was closer to his chest, maybe i could’ve tell that his heart was starting to beat quickly. 

then i felt one of his arms release my side. i try my best not to flinch as i felt his finger dance on my cheekbone, moving the piece of hair behind it. a chuckle escaped his lips as i heard him say a word, but i couldn’t make out what he said. his voice was so low, it was almost as if he was purring. 

the next thing that he did to shock me was that i felt his face on mine. both of our foreheads touched as his nose nudged mine gently. his hand still rested on my cheeks tenderly, and for a split second, his lips ghosted over mine. his bottom lip touched mine and my heart beat so fast in that moment that my eyes were begging to open.

however, he sighed and he got up. i stifled a whimper at the lost of contact as he got up from the bed to get his uniform. i turned from the other side of him so that he wouldn’t see that i was awake. however i wish that i could’ve gotten up and seen him. instead my eyelids drooped..

i was then awaken by bottles falling.

immediately i woke up to him turning around with wide eyes as i sat upwards.

“s-shit! i’m so sorry!” he whispered apologetically, his hand clamping over his mouth as he picked up his perfume bottles. 

immediately i got up. “no its okay i was getting up anyways.” i shouldn’t have gotten up because i was loosing my balance as i walked.

immediately he came to me and and helped me stand, holding on to him as i try to wake up fully.

“thanks” i say. he nodded back as he gave me my stuff from the side of the bed. i noticed that his hand lingered on the cup of my bra as he held it, sucking in a harsh breath hesitantly as his fingers graze over the part where my nipple would’ve been. i but my lip as i saw his ears turn red.

“thank you again.” i blush as his hands shook gently as i took it from him, as well as my other clothes. he smiles shyly as he gets his stuff and hurries to the other shower.

i got out his room and into his mothers shower, and without going back, i smiled to myself at his reaction. he’s such a sweet, sweet boy.


	10. 10

walks with jaehyun became really fun. i found out a lot about him when we walked to school. i heard him sing a little as we walked, and his voice was just so deep and warm, he is apparently a music hoarder as i saw from the pile of vinyls on his shelf, he watches sad love movies apparently, and overall just a really interesting person.

i also found out something that would help me out in the future. 

“a flexible tongue?” i ask, raising my eyebrow.

“yeah.. it’s kinda weird.” he smiles, looking down.

i bite my lip as i ask once more, “can i see it?” 

“it’s embarrassing as hell, trust me, you’ll freak out.” he then looks at me, “maybe when we meet again at the pet shelter tomorrow? so that i don’t feel weird?”

i smile, “deal.” 

we ended up talking a bit more as as we reached the school compound. johnny came out and greeted jaehyun with a high five.

“jae what’s up man! you must be y/n, it’s good to meet you!” he says enthusiastically as he extends his hand out to me.

johnny was very tall and very handsome, which made me feel intimidated, but i returned a soft “thanks”

“so what were you two doing together walking to school? i never thought i’d see this sight before.” he says, raising an eyebrow at jaehyun.

“w-well we had a project, and we were working till late and i didn’t want y/n to go home alone in the dark, so she stayed over with me.” he says, his ears reddening as he added the last part.

“ah, i see. y/n must’ve been thankful i believe.” he says, which i replied with a nod. “quiet girl, huh? i get it.” he then lowers down to whisper to me, “if anything i think you’re at least more talkative then jae.” i laughed as he said that, which made jaehyun wonder what he told me.

then the bell rang. jaehyun and johnny waved goodbye to me as we both went into our different classes, and already i felt like i needed him more.


	11. 11

speaking of needing him, i felt very horny.

we were in class in which we were talking about sins and coincidentally we were talking about lust. how wrong it was if we were not married, how impure it was, and how it tempts us to do things we never thought about doing.

however i kept thinking about jaehyun. how i wanted him to tower over me. his long slender digits rubbing circles all over my clit as his tongue lapped me. i want his dick to stretch me out, breaking apart my walls and thrusting harder and harder into me.

i subtly rocked up and down my chair for some sort of friction on my wet underwear as my eyes struggled to stay open as i was so far in with bliss. however i needed someone.

“mother hyoyeon can i use the bathroom?”

“yes you may, child.” 

immediately i bolted out and i got out my phone and made a call. 

“chanyeol i need you.”

———  
the second stall of the girls bathroom had thick walls so you couldn’t hear much. luckily it was thick enough to suppress moans and whimpers that came out my mouth.

my legs wrapped around chanyeol’s waist as his mouth was on mine, kissing me feverishly. his cock moved in and out of me roughly, causing me to scratch his back roughly, causing him to growl in the kiss. his mouth latched on to one my nipples as he harshly sucked and bit it as he groped my free breast to keep it from bouncing so much. his tongue swirled all around the bud and the tip as he thrusted deeper and deeper.

“c-chanyeol.. f-fuck...” i moan out, my eyes rolling to the back of my head as i grabbed on to his hair. he stopped his assault on my breast to move his finger to circle my clit as he starts leaving open mouthed kisses all over my neck. he took his hand from my breast and held my hair back.

“f-fuck.. how are you still so tight?” he groans as he reaches the spot, causing me to muffle a scream into my hands. 

“c- fuckkk—- i’m gonna c-cum!” i scream out into my hand as i feel his cock twitch inside me, coating my walls with his cum, as he let out a shaky sigh when he released.

i slid down the wall as he went underneath my skirt and licked the juices off my thigh as it ran down. the best thing about chanyeol is that not only is he one of my best friends, but he makes a good fuck buddy. he also has a very good tongue. 

i let out a whimper as he licked the white substance and the remainder of it off my thigh as he stepped back.

chanyeol was also very attractive. his silver hair was tousled and messy from my pulling it back and his face was covered in a mix of our juices. he catches his breath and sighs,

“y/n... you know you have to ‘fess to him.” he pants breathlessly as he gently leaves a kiss on my nipples.

“i-i will... i will..” i struggle to say as i was completely fucked. he helped me up as he put on back my wet underwear, cleaning it a bit, and he gently put back on my bra and shirt and smoothed my hair so that i looked like i didn’t have sex in the bathroom before fixing himself. 

“s-see you lunchtime.” i say, not fully recovered yet.

“you too.” he returns back. 

i leaned back on the bathroom wall for a bit as i let my head spin for a while.

things like these don’t faze me anymore. i really don’t give a fuck if i sinned or not. i’m too far gone for that. chanyeol and i have been having sex in the stalls for months and it’s pretty much my therapy. but at the same time, as much as i enjoy chanyeol, i want jaehyun. no. i need jaehyun.


	12. 12

i was able to walk for the whole day even though chanyeol fucked me to oblivion. i always wondered how sex with jaehyun in a bathroom would be like.

i remembered in one of my fantasies he had a rosary on him, and he was demanding me to refer to him as a god as he railed me in the confession booth. how he would use his cross necklace to shove in and out of me as he bites down on my nipples. how he’d make me confess all the sinful things i want him to do to me.

“y/n?”

i heard jaehyun call out to me as i was about to head home. 

“hi..” i say with a smile, moving towards him.

“b-by any chance are you free tomorrow?” he asks, swallowing as he did so.

“jae we have to volunteer tomorrow.” i raise my eyebrows at his inquiry, not knowing exactly where this was going.

“y-yeah i know. i-it’s just that mark’s having a movie night a-and johnny thinks that you’re really nice and i-“

hold on. is this a date? or does this classify as a date? or what exactly is up?

“i’ll go.” i reply, cutting him off and knowing exactly what he was going to say.

“r-really?” he asks hopefully, his voice lighter than his usual deep tone. he notices this and his ears turn red at the realization.

“i mean.. it would be nice to get out for a while you know.. not stay home and do absolutely nothing for the whole day.” i laugh, in which i earned one back from him.

he beamed, “thank you so much. johnny’s gonna be so glad.” he laughs, making my heart warm a little. “i guess i’ll see you tomorrow!” he waves as he walks home. 

i wave back, smiling to myself at our interaction. he may or may not asked me on a date, but either way he still asked me to go somewhere!

————  
i sigh as i walked into the familiar gate that lead to my home. looking at the garage.

it’s closed. of course it’s closed.

with a thin lipped smile, i opened the door. i haven’t really been here for long. usually i’d be by yeri or chanyeol’s house for most of the day, but eventually i’d come back home to make sure everything is working. in shape. whole.

i walk upstairs, stopping at the small table nearby as i take a look at the picture frame. something that was a mix of a scoff and a laugh left my lips as i walked into my bedroom.

my poor, poor bedroom.

everything is still in shape. everything is neatly organized, the bed was made from a few weeks before, and everything seemed to be in order.

the state of the bedroom seemed to be perfect if not for the trauma i attached to it.

i still can’t look at it the same. it’s incredibly nauseating to come into the room once a while and be reminded of how scarred you were. how much you ached. how you wanted to fall to the floor. how much your body hurt.

it’s truly exhausting.

i try to sleep here once. it was a really bad idea considering that i had multiple nightmares. most of the times i had to call chanyeol over. where he would come in a flash and hold me tight towards him as i screamed profanities and pleas while holding on to him roughly for comfort. i’d run to yeri’s house, where her parents would let me in regardless of my state, and let me stay with yeri in her room. i might even call rosé, where she threatened to throw the house keys so that i won’t come back. as for joy, she’s the sweetest. we’d sleep together downstairs, locking my room and putting everything downstairs.

as for my parents? my reader, you will hear more later, as my tears are already threatening to spill from my eyes.

immediately i called rosé, my hand trembling as i called her, picking up my stuff for tomorrow on the other.

it was a mistake coming here and i don’t know why i came here.


	13. 13

i ended up going to rosé’s house to spend the night, carrying my things for tomorrow. i try not to think about my house before i worry her more, and thankfully i didn’t. what’s on my mind right now is jaehyun.

the next morning rosé and i got dressed to go and volunteer, in which my heart was beating fast, thinking about what jaehyun said.

did he really invite me to mark’s place because of johnny? i don’t know. it’s too soon to tell, but maybe i’d get some sort of answer.

as we drove and i reached the gate of the shelter, i was immediately greeted by jaehyun, who was wearing a long sleeved sweatshirt. the cats usually liked it because it was soft and they would cling on to it. i have yet to feel the same for myself.

jaehyun waved at me and i waved back, going up to him to meet him, rosé following me. 

“you’re here early.” he beams, usually knowing my unprofessional work habits.

“well i am trying to make a change.” i reply back, earning a soft chuckle from rosé. i looked at her and then said, “this is my friend rosé, she helps with the other animals.”

he extended his hand to greet her and she took his hand in hers. he says, “you’re y/n's close friend right? i’ve seen you hang out a couple times before.”

she simply nodded, “she’s definitely a bit of a handful, especially with her feelings”, which caused me to shot her a glare and she winked back.

she took this as her cue. “i’m gonna get to my side with joshua. bye guys! nice to have a formal meeting with you jung!” 

we both waved at her, and now it’s just the two of us alone. but it’s not like we are awkward anymore. now we can just start conversations without having to wait.

i go to the cage he was near to, and picked up a small black and white cat and smiled as she cuddled close to me. i softly whisper, “hey mel, did you miss me? i missed you all week” as i petted her head gently. jaehyun softly chuckled and knelt down to pick up the other cat, a marmalade one, and kneel down with it.

“she’s been crying for you constantly before you reached. i tried to pick her up but she kept staying close to zeus.” he laughs as he mirrored my same motions.

“well she does love me the most out of everyone. isn't that right girl?” she purred against my chest as a response as i felt relaxed against the vibrations.

“i mean i cant blame you. zeus and i have the same relationship, but i think he likes mel more than me, they’re awfully attached to one another.” he smiled as he put him back in the cage and the small cat meowed for mel.

i smirk as i put her down in the cage, where zeus and mel were walking around and playing with their toys. “if someone were to adopt one of them, god i can imagine how the other will react.”

he laughs and looks down shyly, and we both watched the cats play before getting up only an hour after the boss came in and asked us why we weren’t doing our job.

————  
ever since we got a bit closer, the hours went by faster. but it was also fun at the same time. 

like a few minutes ago jaehyun and i were showering one of the dogs and we were finishing up, and out of nowhere jaehyun decides to splash me with a bit of water. 

in surprise, i playfully splashed him back, watching the water drip from the curly ends of his hair. for at least 5 minutes we were both splashing each other, with me pretending that there was shampoo in my eye, in which he quickly came towards me and cradled my face, saying “i-i’m so sorry! i didnt m-“, cutting off his sentence as i used a toy to squirt water in his face, which made him exclaim in surprise, and changing it to a laugh.

we eventually stopped because of how messy the place was, and the fact that we also looked more wet than the dogs. and the thing is, we had to get this cleaned in a couple minutes before the boss comes and finds out our antics.

so jaehyun and i went into the change room and got out our stuff. as i tried to take off the shirt, it was literally stuck to my body, so i asked jaehyun, “can you help me take this off?”

i forgot how flustered the boy is sometimes. poor guy looked like a deer struck by headlights.

“m-me?” he asked, in which i nodded in response, feeling frustrated.

he then came close towards me, with our bodies almost touching. i felt his fingers hesitantly grip the ends of my shirt, and i raised my hands up. his fingers were warm against my cold skin, which made me shiver a bit. it passed from my waistline, to the curve of my waist, the sides of my breasts (i basically heard him gulp) and then finally, his hands glided on my arm to my hands. he was greeted by just me in a bra, in which is was now both of our turns to blush.

his face started to lean closer towards mine, and his hands were fighting to resist the urge of holding me. my chest was starting to rapidly move up and down, and i felt between my legs closed involuntarily. 

he gulped, “d-do you have a s-shirt in your b-bag?”, his voice trembling a bit. all i could’ve done is nod and point. he looked at the direction that i pointed at and got the top from my bag. 

he opened it out and then stopped, asking, “d-do you want me to p-put it on?” i nodded again, unable to speak as i was processing everything that was going on. i raised my hands and his hand smoothly glided down my curves, the pad of his fingers caressing every bit of skin that it could. what i noticed is that he lingered on the side of my breast before taking in a sigh, and finally putting it on. 

as i was able to see again. we stared at each other. his eyes were soft and pleading, and also slightly shaking as if he wanted something. i looked back at him, almost mirroring the same expression, as if i wanted the same thing. 

and then that’s when this happened.

with a sudden boldness, i tiptoed so that we were at face level and i looked into his eyes for permission. his eyes started to look more as if it was now begging, and i was so ready to do it.

but what escaped my lips instead was a cry.

“i-i’m so sorry.” my lips quivered on his bottom lip as i slowly sunk down back to my level. i was so fucking embarrassed. how can i let myself become bold like that and think i could’ve done it. 

just like my inner thoughts would say. “i can never live up to what i dream.”

i wiped the tears falling down my face and i tried to turn around to go back out, but i was spun back to face him.

“j-jae w-“ i say between my tears, but my sentence and my breath felt like the air got knocked out my lungs as i felt a pair of arms holding me softly and a pair of shaking lips meet mine.

i gasped in surprise at the kiss, but i slowly melt into it, my hands trembling as i tried to hold the back of his head. i felt fresh tears fall down his cheek and wet mine as he tried to limit himself from accidentally being too rough with me. but his pace was perfect. slow. soft.

we both slowly broke off the kiss, which resulted in him whimpering, and i dry the remainder of his tears from his cheek. through a mix between a laugh and a sob, he said,

“y-you had n-no idea h-how much i-i wanted t-that.” he ends it with a soft laugh as he still held on to my waist, rubbing it in soft circles.

i laugh, my voice just as shaky as i dry my own tears. we both stayed in the closet in comfortable silence, my head resting on his shoulder as he patted my head smoothly the same way he did with zeus.

after a while, something came up in my head. “the boss!” i say, in which he replied, “fuck, mark!” (this was the first time i heard him curse out loud. it’s kinda hot)

we both ran out the change room and cleaned up as fast as we can. we were able to get it done in time and we quickly grabbed our stuff, give zeus and mel one last cuddle, and went into his car. i texted rosé before we went but i think she would know what happened anyways. jaehyun and i smiled as we got into the car and we both went to mark’s house.


	14. 14

“why did you kiss me that time?” i ask in the car as i calmed down a bit from everything that happened the past hour.

jaehyun, keeping his eyes on the road and tapping his fingers on the wheel, shyly smiled, saying, “i didn't know if i was obvious enough, but i really really liked you.” he takes a short breath, continuing, “i liked how dominating you are, how carefree, how laid back you are, and the way you’d play with mel... i’ve always thought that you wouldn’t have liked me because of how quiet i was, and my image, and i let these things come in front of my feelings because i was scared.” he frowns a bit as he says the last bit.

i reassuringly rest a hand on his thigh, squeezing it gently, which causes him to jump a little and blush in his seat. “jaehyun i was afraid that you wouldn’t like me because of how popular you were, and how you were considered to be this perfect boy, and i thought that you didn’t want anything to do with me.”

he chuckled, “y/n that’s ridiculous. i don’t even consider myself to be popular or perfect, and even if i was, i wouldn’t let that come in the way of how i felt about you.”

it was now my turn to blush. “well i guess now i know... especially with that kiss.”

he smiled widely with his dimples showing. “w-was i good?”

i gently got up from my seat and kissed him on the cheek, my hand massaging his thigh slowly. as i went back in my seat, i nodded, “yes. absolutely”, earning a laugh from him. 

we finally reached at mark’s house, where he greeted jaehyun with a high five and he introduced himself to me. he seemed only 2-3 inches taller than me, and he has this boyish charm to him that made him so cute.

“hey y/n! i’m mark. johnny told me that he wanted you to come over and i’m so glad you can make it!” he said enthusiastically. johnny immediately came into the frame once he heard his name, extending his arm out towards me.

“y/n! hey i’m so glad you made it! did jae have to beg you to come over?” he teased, earning a flustered jaehyun punching his arm and saying a soft “knock it off dude!”

he played it off, then turning back to me, saying, “well come on in! you’re not gonna stay outside in the dark forever are you?”

i laughed and i went in with jaehyun, smiling.

————  
the night by mark’s house was a lot of fun. we ended up binge a horror movie marathon that no one really paid attention to because everyone was just trying to scare each other. haechan, jungwoo and i became close that night, pranking mark a couple of times when he wasn’t watching. mark eventually found out it was us at one point, in which he got his payback by removing the lock in the bathroom. i’m never gonna stay alone in the bathroom with jungwoo ever again.

also, jaehyun accidentally slipped out that we kissed before, in which the room became lively and filled with howls and screams. all jaehyun could do was hide his face in his sweater. taeyong, one of his friends, was extremely happy for jaehyun, even embarrassing him too. the same especially went for johnny, who gave jaehyun a pat on the back and whispered something in his ear. i couldn’t tell what it is but his ears started to go red.

the rest of the night was pretty much a blur, but it was really fun. when it was time to sleep at around somewhere in the late night, yuta, jaehyun and i took the living room to sleep. jaehyun held me with his head burying in my neck and from there everything seemed peaceful.  
————  
i was starting to stir a bit when i started to hear noises. i also didn’t feel any arms wrapped around me, causing me to worry a bit. as i tried to get up to see where he was, i saw that he was still in the bed.... he was just...

whimpering. whimpering my name to be exact.

his eyebrows were knitted together as his mouth parted, spilling soft moans and whines from his mouth. he started to move up and down his spot, and from under the blanket, i can see his hand move up and down. immediately i knew exactly what he was doing.

then he started to sob, “y-y/n please... i-i need.. fuck... o-oh f-fuck... f-faster please... please please p-please.” he begged softly as he started to pump himself faster. i watched in fascination as he tried to reach his release.

i thought he was a pure boy? i thought that he didn’t do this kind of stuff? it didn’t really phase me that he would do this, but it was intriguing.

he let out a soft gasp as his hand flew to cover his mouth, which made me lie back down quickly so that he wouldn’t see me. i turned the other way quickly, but i could’ve still heard what was going on. he let out a sharp whimper as he silently gasped my name one more time, followed by a shaky sigh. 

then, i smiled innocently as everything went quiet.


	15. 15

jaehyun and i woke up early because it was a sunday, and like the “pure hearted” boy he is, he has church. i decided to come along with him, mostly because everyone was busy and i’ve gotten too attached to him. i also had a plan in mind.

luckily for my convenience, my skirt that i had on to come here was still clean, and my shirt seemed appropriate enough, not showing much cleavage but highlighting whatever i had. as i came from the bathroom, he was dressed in his clothes, and i can almost feel his eyes travel all over me, not with lust, but with curiosity.

he whispered, “i sent johnny a text just now that we’re gone, and i thanked him for inviting you over.” he added a sweet smile with that addition, and i lightly pressed a kiss to his lips. we then quietly shut the door to the sleeping men.

————  
“jaehyun can i ask you a question?” i ask, my fingers playing with the hem of my skirt. 

“um, yeah sure.” he was focused on the road, one hand holding the wheel and the other holding my hand.

then i blurted it out.

“i know that you’d probably say no to this..” i say innocently, then adding on, “but is pleasure considered to be a bad thing?”

and there it goes. the pinkish color in his ears show.

“p-pleasure?” he stuttered, hand fidgeting around mine and tensing on the wheel.

“yeah.. like have you ever desired to have a person so bad, that you can’t live without them, and you imagine them doing.... these acts to you?” i rub the back of his hand to calm him down, hoping that i didn’t cross the line.

“i-uh.. i t-think that i-it’s okay to be a-aroused most of the t-time... b-but w-when you s-say imagined... what do you m-mean?” he was still trying to compose himself, but in his tone he wasn’t afraid.

he was curious.

“like this jae.” i whisper.

my hand left his own and went to his thigh. i bit my lip at the feeling of how hard his thigh was, and i tried to stop myself from making a noise. i clenched it gently, and i heard him sharply inhale, eyebrows knitted together so that he doesn’t close it while driving. feeling more bold, i move it closer to his inner thigh, and feeling his erection poke me. the taller boy gripped the steering wheel harsher and used his free hand to guide my hand to where he needed it, whimpering.

i look up at him teasingly, saying, “on the way to church jae? i didn’t know you were this much of a whore..” he moaned at the name, and he guided his hand on top his erection, muttering a few curse words under his breath.

“do you like that name?” i raise my eyebrows and laughed as i kissed the shell of his ear. he stopped the car abruptly, in which he held me on the waist to stop me from falling forward.

“we r-reached.” he gulp. he looks at me, and his pupils are lust blown, and his soft brown eyes were pleading for more. 

i took off my seatbelt and opened the door. as i went to close it, he was still in the car. 

“you don’t want to be late for church don’t you?” i wink.

he gave a shy smile in response, and said, “i-i’m coming.” as he came out the car he came to my side and gave me a peck on the lips, which i accepted. then he gulped, “c-can you show me more?”


	16. 16

church is extremely boring and it was my mistake of going. it was boring mostly due to the fact that i craved jaehyun.

his mother, him, and i sat on the same row, and jaehyun would try his best to look in my direction to give me a reassuring smile when i didn’t know what words to say. i would gently and discreetly hold his hand and squeeze it, which made him smile a little too enthusiastically when he sang.

the whole idea of me and church don’t really get along. i’ve tried to visit one at least once, but i couldn’t do most of the shit that they asked me to do. plus my parents used to force me to go at least twice a month, which is annoying. then they’d ask me if i’m enjoying it, and then i’d tell them how i feel, then they’d take me home and...

it just goes downhill from there.

immediately i felt myself being gently pushed from the row and in the hall, and i was slowly backed up into the wall.

“are you okay?” jaehyun whispered. he gently brushed a hand on my cheek, and i saw his finger become wet... with my tears? i was crying?

i nodded, afraid that if i talked, my voice would break, and i’d start sobbing in front of him. he gently enveloped me in a hug and placed a couple kisses on the top of my head.

“do you want to talk about it?” he asked against my hair, stroking my back. 

i pondered on this a bit. jaehyun and i have only recently become close and if we are in a relationship then we should be able to tell each other our troubles. but what i’m afraid of is if he would be driven away from me.

then, in a calm, yet shaky voice, i ask, “c-can you take me home?”

————  
i gave him the directions to my house in a still trembling, quiet voice, as his hand takes in mine for it to stop shaking.

my heart felt like it was going to explode from my chest as i told him to pull into the driveway. i still didn’t speak loudly, and jaehyun knew not to pressure me, but he'd ask me if i was ready to come out the car a couple times. when i finally was, he took my hand and he let me lead him while also helping me out.

i tried my best not to take in the cleanness of the house, and i led jaehyun up the stairs as i looked down. finally i led him to my room, in which we both sat.

then with a long breath, i told him everything and why i cried.

my parents are these big rich religious people who were seen to be these good, kind people. they were very loving to me as a child and to everyone else we were just seen as a good hearted, god abiding family. however, in this bedroom, at a child’s age, i would lie down, but not sleep. instead i would had all my clothes ripped apart from my body. my hands would be tied to my sides. my underdeveloped breast would start to hurt because of the bite marks. and there was this long veiny part that would go up and down my body. and i would scream all night long. 

this was a routine of my dad. every day we’d come home from church, if i didn’t enjoy it, he'd slam me on the bed face first and fuck the living daylights out of me. as for my mother, she’d stood there naked, her nipples perked in the cool air as she said that “he’s doing this out of god’s will” while touching herself as i cried.

but did god really want that? for me to be routinely raped my my own parents until thankfully they just moved? 

the situation itself made me turn from a innocent girl to a sex addict. i started to crave men that would make me feel good, and i used religion to an advantage. i’d ask them if i can pray to be fucked by them, and i’d beg them to pray as they bred in me. 

chanyeol was the first person i talked to about this, hence was the reason as to how we became close. he was against my addiction at first, but when i first undressed in front of him, he was more than pleased to help me out. however despite the sex, he is a really good friend, and if he wasn’t here to help me i don’t know where i would be.

this is the reason why i feel so disconnected from god. why i couldn’t really believe in him. and why i don’t want to. because he caused this. hello 

i notice that i started to sob as i told him the story, in which jaehyun reacted by pulling me closer to me until i felt suffocated.

“y/n i’m so sorry... you didn’t deserve this, and your parents would pay for what they did from god.. god i’m so sorry i wish i knew.” he said into my hair, and i can tell that he was probably crying too from how i can feel his tears on my head. 

“y-you didn’t know... and i-i understand if you d-don’t want to be with me a-anymore.. i-i’m so sorry...” i sobbed into his chest, my mind a whirlwind of emotions. he’s deeply devoted and i’m not. how are we going to work out?

he looked me straight in the eye, cupping my face gently. “this isn’t going to make me feel any different towards you. if anything i want to be a better boyfriend to you. and i want to give you what you want and deserve.” his eyes were slightly wet as he brushed the stray hairs out my face. “god would not have wanted that to happen to you, and i know you don’t believe in him, but i do. and i believe that he does not want you to suffer like this.”

i kissed him with tears in my eyes as i gently straddled him to be more comfortable. jaehyun took this as a sign to hold me by the waist as he returned the kiss. his tongue gently darted out to softly caress my trembling lips, in which i sighed. my hands trembled around his face as i didn’t want to let him go, but he wasn’t phased. all he wanted to do was take it slow.

he pulled a part from the kiss and then lay me down on the bed so that he was cuddling me. 

“for the rest of the day, i want to make you feel good. and when you feel better....” his voice started off calm until it started to shake a bit. i turn to his face with a confused expression until he took a deep breath.

“you can do what you want to me.”


	17. Chapter 17

my voice calms down a bit at the request. “what do you mean?” i ask as i nuzzled into jaehyun’s neck, unconsciously nipping at his neck gently.

his breath hitches as my teeth scraped the skin. “t-that.. a-and a bit m-more.”

smiling against the warmth of his neck, i decided to torture him a bit more, my lips softly ghosting over the base of his throat. i then asked, “are you a virgin jae?” in which he nods shakily. 

stuttering, he then adds, “i-i haven’t done anything w-with anyone... b-but i touch m-myself... and i-have these dr-dreams..” through the sun’s semi harsh rays reflecting from the curtains, his cheeks became pink, as well as the tip of his ears.

moving my lips up to his neck, i smirk against it. “i caught you touching yourself to me baby boy.” i whisper, causing him to whimper in response.

“wh- how.. i-i’m s-sorry i d-didn’t mean t-to.” he moves his hands to my waist, holding it gently. i reply, “no no no... i liked it... what were you dreaming about jae?” 

the sinful words that came out his mouth were shocking, to say the least.

“y-you were on top... a-and naked... w-with some toys i-in your hands.. and you were p-pleasuring me.. it was s-so rough yet so b-beautiful.. y-you were b-beautiful i-in that dream...” he confessed to me, and as i removed my lips from his neck, he whines, “d-did i make you u-uncomfortable? i-i’m so sorry y-y/n oh my g-god... i f-feel so dirty right now...” 

what he did made me feel the opposite of feeling uncomfortable.

“jaehyun can you close your eyes?” i ask, even through my voice came out as a demand. he obeyed, and he did just that. his brows knit together in confusion, and with the sound of rustling, he asks, “y-y/n?”

taking on a more authoritative pitch, i say, “i didn’t say you can speak now, can you?” he immediately gulped and and nodded. soon, he feels his arms become held back, and as i told him to open, his face reddens as he looks at the belt around his wrists on the bed. 

“w-wow..” he breathes as he looks up, his eyes widening. i blush a little bit and positioned myself on top of his lap. dragging my hands down the collar of his dress shirt, i softly ask him, “can i?” in which he eagerly nodded. 

my jaw almost dropped as i saw how defined he is after taking off his shirt. i knew that he was strong underneath, but the abs threw me off in the most satisfying way possible. i traced the outline of it, hearing him moan as my finger laid on him.

meeting his face, my lips attached to his ones as i dominated the kiss. i slid my tongue into his mouth, in which he generously accepted, and moan as i explored the depths of his mouth. my hand laid on his stomach. it was definitely enough to drive me crazy to the point that i lightly dragged my nails along them, making him respond with a whimper.

i detach my lips and went straight to his neck, sucking and biting on it while trying to create a mark. his hands wanted to plunge towards me, but the belts didn’t allow him to. he tried thrusting himself up, but i immediately stopped my actions, halfway finished in making a bruise.

“i need you to not move for me, okay baby?” i coo, where he mutters a string of sorrys from his mouth. my lips went back to his neck, continuing to make a mark. i then traced my lips down to his chest, reaching to his abdomen as i played with the waistline of his pants.

“p-please...” he begs, his eyes becoming glassy. i taunt, “please what baby?” he breathes, “i-i need you..” 

i looked at him with permission in my eyes to take off his pants, in which, he once again nodded with enthusiasm.

my jaw dropped as i took off his pants.

“i-is everything o-okay?” he asks, worried by the lack of movement.

“y-you’re huge...” i whimpered.

again, i knew that jaehyun was fairly tall and packed, but i didn’t know he was this packed.

“i-is that good?” he asks again, and i responded with a nod, which made him blush.

i started to tease him, and i saw as i watched him pull on the restraints. i ghosted my hand over his tip, and i looked up at him innocently. his eyes were closed and he was muttering profanities. he started to buck his hips towards my hand, in which i responded with a glare, and said “i didn’t tell you to move slut.”

by the sound of his moan, he enjoyed the nickname. 

i edged him a bit more before i can tell that he was tensing up. i quickly replaced my hand with my mouth, and i started to take as much as i can.

jaehyun struggled to watch me with half lidded eyes while whimpering, “i- ah.. oh my g-god... y-y/n.. please please p-please you f-feel so good..” he pulls down on the restraints as i took in more of him, gagging on him. i swirled my tongue around the base and i bobbed my head up and down as i lightly scraped his thigh for support.

my movements were then cut short by being him suddenly thrusting into my mouth. i stopped midway and looked at him. his eyes widening, he stutters, “i-i’m so s-sorr-sorry! i-i won’t m-move!! just p-please do t-that again..” he shook his head as he moaned, his hips trembling.

my inner sadist came out in me as he apologized. there was nothing more that i wanted to do right now than to give him the best suck in his life only to take it away, watching tears spill from his soft eyes, corrupting him. however, this was his first time, and i wasn’t sure on what to do.

me being me, i want to give him the time of his life.

i went back to using my hand on him, this time pumping him faster. i concentrated on his face as i moved my hand up and down. his face had an intense blush on his face with this light brown perm disheveled. his lips were parted and slightly red from how hard he bit it. 

“y/n... i-i need to c-cum...” he breathes, resisting the urge to move his hips.

“you want to do it badly?” i leaned forward to his lips, tasting the blood on his bottom lip as he moans “yes”

moving my lips to his ear, i bit on the lobe playfully as i giggled, “hold it.”

i was greeted with a cry as i stopped my movements abruptly. i move away from his face to look down at his tip, which was not only an angry red color, but it also weeped. as for jaehyun, tears spilled at the corner of his eyes as he had his orgasm stolen from him. 

i move to his face again, kissing the corner of his eyes where his tears fell. “can you tell me more about your fantasies jae?” i ask innocently as he looked at me with glassy eyes.”

what i heard next came as a shock to me.


	18. 18

“i-i have a k-knife... a-and wax... i-i like to be spanked... a-and i’ve always w-wondered what it f-felt like..” he tries to say calmly as he struggles to hold his orgasm in. his hair stuck to his forehead as his chest heaved.

i climbed up towards him as i shyly took off my clothes. i was only sitting in front of him with a bra and underwear as his mouth gapes at the sight.

“y-you’re so b-beautiful...” he moans as he takes in the sight of me, blushing as his head tries to tell him that there’s a half naked girl on the bed, and that everything he’s doing now is a sin, but he couldn’t care less. he tried to reach out to me but cried out as he was once again held back by the restraints. 

“i didn’t know that you were such a dirty slut,” i moaned as i traced the outline of how facial features. as if he was being praised, he nodded his head as if he was a bobble head. his dick twitched at the name in which he looked down shyly. 

“so needy, so pure,” i whisper to myself as i left the room to find what he dreamt of being used with. after a few minutes i return to the room with melted wax, a new belt my dad never used, and a knife. immediately, his eyes beamed with excitement.

i stood in front of him mapping out where exactly i want to mark him with the knife. i then climbed on top of him and kissed him on the lips, and he eagerly accepts it, the sun’s rays making his red face seem like a soft pink glow. he moans as i slid in my tongue and he once again tries to move.

“i need you tell me if it hurts okay?” i moan as i detached my lips from his, in which he nodded. i dragged the edge of the blade down his chest and he shivers at the action. then i lightly dug the blade across his abs in which he yelps, holding on to the belt. i quickly shot a look of concern to see if he was okay but all he said was “c-continue...”. i then sucked the blood that trailed down the cut and he eagerly moaned, holding tightly to the belt. 

i continued marking his inner thighs with the knife, and under my touch he was trying hard not to squirm, but he never cried. he teared up a bit but he always urged me to go on. 

as his inner thighs were marked with small cuts all over, i lightly grazed my hand over the fresh ones, making him whimper from the contact. then, taking the wax from the spoon, i held it in my hand but i proceeded to kiss jaehyun softly. i tasted the blood from his bottom lip and he sighed into the kiss. 

“this is going to hurt a bit okay?” i reassured him as i tightly gripped the spoon in my hand. he nuzzled his nose against mine, smiling as he said, “i-i know you won’t intentionally hurt me, i-it’s okay.” then, going in for a kiss, i spread the wax all over him, and he yanked on the restraints as he cries into the kiss, in which i respond by loosening the restraints a bit.

“you’re doing so well baby boy.. so well..” i praised to calm him down as i felt his tears wet my cheek. his lips never left mine as i placed it closer to his cock, and played with his tip, making him shudder.

when i was done, i broke the kiss, and he let out a small whine. “is there anything you want me to do next?” i ask softly. he trips on his words as he stutters, “c-can you w-whip me with the b-belt?” he blushes furiously at his wish, and i decide to tease him a bit. 

“is it because you’re a sinner? because you’re going against god? is it because you’re not as innocent as you make yourself out to be?”

“y-yes! p-please do i-it!” he moans, bowing his head in embarrassment.

because he was tied up, i decided to go for his thighs. i stroke them, feeling the softness of it mesh with the callousness of his cuts, placed the belt, and hit him. tears pricked the corner of his eyes as he let out a choked sob.

“do you want me to continue?” i ask, my voice softening.

he simply nods.

i whipped his thighs for a total of 20 times, which was probably the most i’ve whipped a boy. if i was feeling for it, i’d let him recite a prayer, but this is just his first time, and he looks like he’s ready to cry.

his pale, soft thighs were now quivering as i massaged it, red and covered with little bruises. his eyes were the same color, the sun making it look pinkish as his tears were crystal clear. i bent my head down and i kissed the bruises, a relaxed sigh escaping his lips. 

i’m usually never this tender with anyone before, not even chanyeol. usually i’d just fuck them and that’s it, but with jaehyun, it’s almost like i need to show him some sort of affection during sex. this was all very much new for him to experience, and it just felt right to make sure that he feels good.

i then took off my soaked panties and tossed them aside, but i never took off all my clothes. probably bc i’m scared, or because i feel my naked body has been seen and abused by my father, or probably because this is my first boyfriend i suppose?

i took his cock, which was desperately needing me after being denied of an orgasm for so long, and i slowly inserted myself in him.

jaehyun is definitely big. it took me a long while for me to adjust to his size, tears stinging my eyes because of how tight i was to take him in.

“a-are you okay??” he asks in an alarmed voice, thinking that he was making me uncomfortable.

“y-yes.. you’re just so b-big...” i moan, breathing slowly as i finally adjusted to his size. “a-are you okay?” i ask. “y-yes.. c-can you move?” he asks, twitching inside me desperately.

i nodded, moving agonizingly slow up and down his length. i leant forward to kiss him, unbuckling the belt to hold his hands. there were crescent moons all over his palms, some fresh and bleeding, and some that were forming into bruises. i interlocked my fingers with his tenderly as i continued to slowly move up and down his cock. his hands held on to mine tightly as a string of moans and whimpers left his mouth. tears continued to stream down his face as i went balls deep into him, a loud sob escaping his lips as we kissed.

i broke it off to catch my breath, leaning back up to go faster. “y-you’re doing so good baby..” i moan as i purposely clenched my walls on him, making him moan and curse loudly that his cries echoed. he lets go of my hands to fist the sheets, his back arching for him to go further into me. i slammed faster balls deep into him, my breasts bouncing from my top. 

i looked down at the boy below me. the sweet, innocent boy. his soft brown eyes were now drenched in tears and closed. his hair, light brown and wavy, was now disheveled and resembled a fuzzy gold halo thanks to the sun. his pale skin was now flushed from holding back an orgasm, looking pink as the sun set. his full lips were bitten and bloody from how he bit it, and only let out sinful moans and needy whimpers. his milky soft skin was now marked with hickeys and cuts and belt marks. this is the image of a pure boy that’s corrupted.

“do you want to cum baby?” i ask, stroking his face as he nodded roughly, sobbing, “pl-please... please let me c-cum...” 

“go ahead.”

with this, jaehyun let felt his long awaited orgasm take him over as i moaned, my orgasm coming in already. we both moaned in sync as my cum coated his walls, and i quickly came off him so that he can cum. he let out a whimper as he finally came, and with that, i slumped on top of him.

catching our breaths, i dried away the tears from his eyes, a choked giggle escaping his lips. i then took his wrists, examining how red they were. i frowned a bit and i placed a long kiss on them. hiding his face in embarrassment he blushed as i massaged his bruised palms.

“you did so good..” i praised softly as i held on to his trembling body. “i-i did?” he whispers, his voice breaking because of how loud he was. i nodded, “you could’ve told me to stop but you didn’t... you just took it all in... i’m so proud of you...” he blushes intensely at the amount of praises and he kisses my forehead, nuzzling into my face. it was my turn to blush as i felt his head radiating onto my body. i noticed the pinkish tint on his ear and i ghosted my lips over it, making him shudder and he nuzzled further into me, cuddling me at this point.

for a while we just laid down there in the comfort of each other’s arms, cuddling as if we didn’t commit a big sin. i’m used to it, but jaehyun is just a sweet boy, who’s been sheltered from so much stuff until now. who’s been pure and innocent until now. 

because of me.


	19. 19

after what felt like hours, jaehyun fell asleep as he snuggled into my neck, his breathing slowly stabilizing and tickling me. his body stopped trembling and his hair felt softer under my chin. 

trying to escape his arms, i softly shuffled from my spot next to him to try and clean him up a bit. i throw on a random top i had hanging from the bathroom and threw it on, not caring much about how i looked right now. then, taking a washcloth, i quietly came back into the room and sat down next to him, gently turning him so that he laid on his back. 

the moonlight complimented his pale, marked skin beautifully. his chest moved up and down slowly, his bitten lips parted as he took a breath in and out. 

gently taking the cloth, i dabbed the spots where he was marked softly but firmly on his skin so that he wouldn’t wake up. i stopped for a bit as i dabbed the cloth on his abs, gently moving them over the bruises, hardened skin.

this was something that i always wanted. to be able to fuck the boy that i’ve always wanted. the boy that made my stomach flutter as if butterflies lived in it, but also made me throb out of desperation, and desire. i moved the strand of hair from his forehead and stroked his cheekbone.

if this was what i wanted, why did i feel guilty about what i’ve done.

jaehyun lived a life where he was sheltered, and loved, almost the complete opposite of me. the result of his upbringing made him into the pure, innocent soul he is today. he came from a family that were believers, that followed god’s will. yet here he was, in my bed, marked fucked, as he gave in to the temptations of flesh.

and i made him do this. 

i didn’t even notice i was crying until i felt my cheek become wet, and i quickly dried my tears as i finished cleaning him off. 

then i remembered. school is tomorrow. and jaehyun is on my bed. marked. and no uniform for tomorrow. and it’s not like he can get back home on time or his mom would be suspicious.

then i had an idea.

————  
“so you guys fucked.. and it’s only your second day of being together..”

“can you please shut up..” i blush as i felt chanyeol’s stare burn through my shirt.

despite chanyeol being a bit taller than jaehyun, they're almost the same height, so it makes it easier for him to somewhat fit into the clothes. it may look a bit long on him, but at least he’d had something. 

“do you think it would fit?” i look at him as i also try to monitor jaehyun sleeping at the same time. 

“it should. it would look funny on him, but he looks like he can pull it off. he’s a good looking guy y/n.” he winks, nudging my shoulder. 

“thank you..” i say, lightly punching him back as i take in how peaceful he looked as he slept. 

“how was it by the way? the... fucking..” he looks down as he adds the last part as if he was ashamed of saying such a bad word.

i finally let it out. “loey i feel guilty... i literally took away his virginity from him.. and he was probably practicing to save it for marriage... and i took it away from him.. for my own purposes.. it felt good.. it really did.. and even he himself enjoyed it... but i felt like i stole away what he valued the most.. and..” 

i couldn’t complete the last sentence as my voice broke, and chanyeol noticed, engulfing me in a warm hug, dipping his head down to my shoulder, pressing a light kiss to it. “hey hey hey... it’s not your fault... we both took each other’s one and we both turned out fine y/n! if jaehyun didn’t want you to fuck him, he would’ve told you so would be?” i nodded into his chest, trying my best to hold in my tears as i clung on to him. 

he broke the hug away to look at me, drying my tears. “now, if you really want to know how jaehyun feels about this, you need to ask him. it’s the only way you can get closure on your feelings, and once you get an answer, you’d feel so much better! and do not say that he would not want to be with you again, because he loves you enough for you to be his first.” he finishes, cupping my mouth with his hand as i was about to protest. 

i laugh and move his hand, replying, “i was gonna say thanks, dumbass.” i gave him a short hug, thanking him again for the spare uniform. “anytime y/n, that’s what friends are for.” he smiles into my hair. he places a chaste kiss on my forehead before leaving my room and saying goodbye. as i heard the door shut from the hall, i let out a sigh of exhaustion.

i climbed into the bed with jaehyun, taking in his soft features as he lightly snored. i placed a light kiss on his plump lips, nestling myself under his chin so that i was cuddled against his chest. 

i wish god never brought the morning on to us, as i wish that we can stay like this, secured and protected, forever.


	20. 20

jaehyun woke up with a moan as i was about to fall asleep in the early morning of the dawn. as i woke up from the noise, i was greeted with a sheepish smile, the warm glow of the 6 am sun greeting him before me.

“good morning,” he says in a husky voice, making my heart flutter a bit. “hi,” i simply replied back to him, still nuzzled into his chest. he gently removes me so that he can look at me, and he kissed me gently, holding the side of my face gently. then he frowned.

“have you been crying?” he tilts his head as he ghosts his finger on my swollen eyes. 

i came up with an excuse. “y-you were just really big... it kinda hurt but i-i didn’t wanted to wake you up..” 

he seemed to buy into it, until his eyes widen. “oh my god... i don’t h-“

i cut him off, “my friend brought one of his ones for you. it’s on the chair over there.” i sat up and pointed to chanyeol’s uniform that was hanging on the chair. he sighed in relief as he sat up with me, wrapping a hand around me. “thank the lord.. tell him i said thanks when you see him.. it means a lot.” he smiles as he takes his stuff.

“you’re welcome. you can use my parents’ bathroom in their room if you want.” i offered, and he nodded as i got up to show him, but i never went past the door. he didn’t seem to mind or question, so he just placed a quick kiss on my forehead before heading into the bathroom.

————  
the next couple of minutes, i was on jaehyun’s lap, straddling him as i used some foundation to cover his neck. i felt his kind eyes burn through my concentrated ones as i dabbed the foundation on his skin, making him hiss a bit as i applied more pressure. his hand was secured comfortably on my sides as he played with the ends of my skirt, but he never dared to touch the skin. it was almost sincere, honestly, how he could’ve attempted to feel me, but he didn’t. 

after that, we quickly got something to eat and we got into his car to go to school. i thought that our sexual encounter would’ve changed his behavior with me, but he continued to act like we were just announced to be partners. 

his hand now moved on my thigh as he drives, but he never did anything to them. if he did have to look at me, he’d just give me a quick glance and smile. on our journey to school, we ended up talking more about what we had in common, and it turns that he was also as competitive as me. 

“you actually manhandled doyoung??” i say in surprise, holding back my laughter.

“i-i wouldn’t say manhandling! i just wanted to win!” he replied with a laugh as he looked at my expression. “besides, his entire team was cheating, and i thought, ‘why let the cheaters win when you can obstruct them with violence!’”

i ended up crying with laughter throughout the trip, forgetting the original reason as to why i was sad in the first place yesterday. he seemed to be normal with me, so maybe he didn’t mind. but at the same time anything can change.

our laughter died down as we entered the school compound. the students were going to their classes, and because jaehyun and i had different first period classes, it was time for a temporary goodbye.

in a bold move, jaehyun’s lips met mine and kissed me passionately, yet lovingly. i wanted to deepen it, but given the circumstances, i knew i couldn’t. so when we broke off the kiss and went to class, with the exception of chanyeol and jaehyun’s friends, we were just friends.


	21. 21

school has actually become harder for us.

jaehyun was quite needier than i expected. everyone we had a class he'd always brush his hand over mine to get something, and he’d always give me these puppy dog eyes that were pleading for something dangerous.

as for me, it took every bone in my body to text him and ask him to get on all fours in the bathroom as he starts to pray to get fucked. his eyes were testing me, and my expression was just as needy as his one. however, i wanted to talk about his feelings, just as what chanyeol said.

speaking of chanyeol, we went to the bathroom together again to relieve ourselves.

“you got to stop this habit y/n.” he breathes as he cleans his pants, buttoning it as he finished.

“i’m sorry.. i can’t help it.” i say, fixing my blouse as i put my blazer over it.

“are you planning on talking to him again?” he asks, tilting his head.

i nodded, “i don’t really have much of a choice now do i?” he gave raised an eyebrow at me, in which i add, “sorry..”. as we walk out the bathroom into the empty hall, i started to get nervous. i kept thinking to myself that i pushed the limit with him, especially since we went beyond vanilla sex. he was probably expecting some simple love making that was soft and sweet, but me being the sex demon that i am, i couldn’t let that happen.

“you okay?” he asks as he takes in my anxious state. i sigh, “i’m still nervous on what he’s gonna say.” it was now his turn to sigh. “y/n, he’s not going to hate you for something that you both did together, and again, you’re not gonna know how he’s feeling if you don’t ask him.” 

“i know i know, but i feel like he deserves someone better... someone that would’ve been gentler with him..” i trailed off, to lost in other thoughts to continue. 

he looks me in the eye, “that’s not true, you’ve been in love with him for a long time and you’ve only just got him, i don’t think that he’s going to regret a moment with you.” he then places a quick kiss on my nose. “get to class please, i’ll see you later.” 

i shyly waved at him as i finally make my way back into the class.


	22. 22

“shut up. you’re telling me that you got together with jaehyun and fucked him the day after you got together? no way!”

“yeri please.. i don’t want anyone in the school knowing.” i shushed her as i waited for jaehyun outside so that we can go home.

“okay, sorry, but who else knows?” the dark haired girl chirped excitingly as we both sat, waiting for him. “you, yeol, and jaehyun’s friends.” her mouth hung open at what i said. “his friends??? what are they like? are they just as what everyone says? are they nice to you?” her eyes lit up like christmas trees as she asked.

i smiled, “they’re all really nice, especially johnny.. but there’s something i need to tell you, seriously.” my tone changed, and she immediately understood, looking at me with concern. 

i told her the same thing i told chanyeol; that i felt guilty about having a first time with jaehyun that was probably a lot for him and that i probably took away his virginity because he was possibly saving for marriage in the future and most likely did not expect to have sex this early in the relationship. i told her that he might have regretted it because it wasn’t like he would’ve imagined it to be. 

yeri held my hand and squeezed it comfortably, saying, “y/n y/l/n, you are the most strongest and most charming person that i have met and am proud to be friends with. i know for a fact that jaehyun would not have a problem with your sexuality nor would he has a problem with his. he seems like a really sweet guy for you and he doesn’t seem like the type to fake his generosity towards you, nor is he the type of person to act like he’s uncomfortable with you.”

i nodded and i squeezed her hand back at her words, replying, “thank you, yeri. loey told me that i should ask him about his feelings after school, and i think that i’m gonna do that.” she nods, responding with “that’s great, and it’s a good thing he told you to do that. hopefully, you’d get your answer and hopefully it’s the right one. anyways, here comes your prince charming!”

she gestures to jaehyun walking down the stairs to meet me, shyly waving as he approached us.

“hi y/n, and hi, you must be yeri.” he greeted warmly, giving her a wave. she smiles back, raising an eyebrow at me. i nudged her in the stomach playfully and she laughed. 

jaehyun notices and blushes, but he doesn’t verbally acknowledge it. he stutters, “s-shall we go?” as he held on to his stuff. i nodded, saying a quick goodbye to yeri as we both walked to the entrance of his car in comfortable silence. 

i will confront him there. i’ll make sure if it.


	23. 23

immediately, i hit him right there as he was about to start the engine. however, as soon as i spoke, he was about to say something too.

“n-no no.. you can go ahead first,” he says, immediately stopping as he saw my lips move.

i reply, “no, i want to hear what you have to say first”. maybe he’d have the same question as me. i hope he did.

“haveyoueverbeenpleasuredbefore?” he says in one quick run, catching me off guard as i had a confused expression on my face.

i laughed and asked, “jae, slow down.. can you repeat?” he smiled bashfully, taking a deep breath in and said;

“i remembered when you told me that you used to do these things with the other boys. i remembered you saying that you were usually giving pleasure, but were you ever pleasured, y/n?”

he blushed as his lips parted on the word ‘pleasure’, and it made me think. from the times that i was with men, it actually me doing most of the work. usually i’d be pleasured by having boys’ dicks up my pussy, but that was kinda it. it was pretty much only chanyeol that gave me attention, but that was only when i felt extremely needy. i was touched by other boys, but i never had actual foreplay been done. i just fucked and left.

jaehyun took the silence as me being mad, as he stutters, “i-i’m sorry y/n i d-didn't mean to m-“ his lips were shut by me kissing him quickly and lightly, making his ears turn red.

i pulled back from him to say, “no! it’s not like that at all jae. it’s just that, i’ve actually never had proper sex with anyone. usually i’d just do my shit and leave, but it was always me on top, me doing the dirty talk, and me doing everything basically. i’ve never felt what it's like to feel euphoric, to feel pleasured.”

he smiled, his dimples on his left side popping out, “c-can i be your p-proper first time?” he asks, his hand feeling warm on my one as it shook nervously.

jaehyun’s request melted me. it made me forget what i wanted to tell him about, which at the moment, i didn’t mind because he genuinely wanted to treat me right, and not only use me for my body.

i nod, my eyes slightly teary as i kissed his burning cheek, poking the dimple with my finger and making him laugh. 

“thank you, so much. i never had someone talk to me about actually making me feel loved, and it means a lot that you’re making an effort.” i blushed.

he looks at the road, but his tone was soft and gentle, “in the name of god i love you, and i want to make sure that you deserve everything good in the world, and that you deserve to have someone by your side that loves you.”

i melted a bit at his response, looking down at the seat to hide my flushed face. he seemed to notice to, his shade matching mine.

all i could've done now is wait, and wait, and wait.


	24. 24

as we reached jaehyun’s house, it was surprisingly empty. he took the key to his house and as he opened it, not a single voice could’ve have been heard. 

we both creeped upstairs, where as soon as he locked the door, he kissed me gently and softly, not wanting to deepen it or go faster. i closed my eyes and gave in to the kiss, wrapping my arms around his neck. usually i’d want to take control, but given that it’s my proper first time, i couldn’t risk it.

jaehyun’s eyes were the most telling part, as it did all the speaking for him. the softness in his eyes would appear when he would ask for permission, and as i reassured him, i would feel him heat up. 

he gently laid me on the bed, playing with the hem of my shirt as he hesitated, “c-can i?” i nodded in response as he took off my shirt, revealing my bra. his hands trembled as he trails his hand up my breast, cupping one in his hands and kneading it. i moaned at the contact, causing him to blush, and i urged, “take it off please..”

he did exactly so, his expression flustered as my bare breasts were exposed to him. “y-you’re so b-beautiful,” he says, taking one nipple in his mouth and swirling his tongue around it as he felt it harden under him. i moaned loudly at his actions, his other finger immediately twisting my other nipple as he continued assaulting my breast. usually no guy has ever given attention to me there other than chanyeol, but with jaehyun it felt like i was being fucking breastfed, the way he lapped and sucked my nipple as if i carried milk in me. he squeezes them both, a small squirt coming from me as i purposely bounced them, making him whimper lewdly. 

he worked his way down to my skirt, going under my skirt as he started to kiss up my inner thigh. i quivered slightly underneath him as i rubbed my clothed core on him, and he takes off my underwear in a shaky breath, but all in a swift move. 

one thing that i like about jaehyun is that he’s full of surprises. remember when i said that he had a flexible tongue? well he wasn’t joking.

his tongues hungrily lapped my juices, hitting the right places. it darted up my core, his tongue swirling inside me as i held on to his hair, tugging it. 

“j-jaehyun you’re so g-good…” i whimpered as i gently rocked my clit on his. he took this as an indication to flick his tongue faster, his nose brushing against my clit, devouring me whole. i screamed in bliss as i felt his fingers in me now, roughly bruising my walls as he pumped them in and out aggressively. my walls closed around my tongue as i moaned out to him, “j-jaehyun i need to cum!” “cum baby,” he says into my core as he uses a combination of both, slowing down his pace as i came down, his face covered in my juices. 

he he climbed up to kiss my neck, pecking it softly as he takes off his pants, tossing them to the side. he blows on the kiss gently as he nips my skin slightly, reassuring me breathlessly and gently and cupping my face, “tell me if it hurts and i’ll stop,”

with that, he securely holds on to my hips, and with a concerned yet loving look in his eyes, he inserts himself in. i wince at the contact, my body jolting a bit as i try to take him in. 

he sees the pained expression in my face, asking in alert, “y-y/n are you o-okay??” i reply with a simple nod, telling him, “i-i need to a-adjust,” he nods kindly and as you both settle down, you take a deep sigh, saying “move” 

he moved slowly inside me, his long thick cock bruising my walls and hitting my prostate as i clawed down on his shoulders, a cry escaping my lips. he moans at the pain, and in result he held on to me tightly as he repeatedly thrusted into me.

jaehyun’s attention went straight to my eyes which were tear stained by how hard he was fucking me. he took one of his hands to dry my tears, making me hide in his shoulders as he moved deeper and faster, his cross necklace scratching me. 

my walls painfully clenched around his length, and i cried out to him, “j-jae!! i-i need t-“ i couldn’t even finish out my sentence as i felt my orgasm took over, making him move faster, bodies pressed together. he moaned just as loud as he felt his orgasm too, slowing down his pace and plopping down on me. we both laid on the bed, catching our breath.

jaehyun snuggled into my chest right between my boobs, placing a small kiss on both of them. his ears were flushed red just like his face, but he was covered in my cum from earlier.

“h-how did i do?” he asks shyly, hiding in my chest. 

“a-amazing.. for a c-church boy..” i breathlessly joke, earning a pout from him as he pressed his face deeper in my chest, holding on to my breasts.

we both just laid there for a while, as i stroke his hair, multiple feelings in my head. 

jaehyun had a sense of gentleness that no man excluding chanyeol had with me. he made sure that i was okay, he focused on pleasuring me instead of the other way around, and he made sure that i had a good first time. 

it almost made me forget my problems.


End file.
